The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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