we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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