yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
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michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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