I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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