im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
