I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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