Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
