i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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