this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
