lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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