I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
