Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
