Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
