Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
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