i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
