He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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