Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
