Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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