so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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