ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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