I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
