i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Houston, we have a blender
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
