oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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