I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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