yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
