turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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