Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
