It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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