I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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