You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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