glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
