And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
