I just made out with a guy for $7.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
