bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
