Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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