I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just want nice things and good sex
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
