when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
