No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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