You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
