I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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