my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
