If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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