You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
