After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize
