their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The beer is more important than you right now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
