I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the day after is always just damage control
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
