well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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