By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
