I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
3pm strippers are depressing
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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