I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
