i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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