I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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