if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
His hands were made for my vagina.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
