the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
