I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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