I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
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