Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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