Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
