the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
