So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You dont lie about slip and slides
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
