she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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