Tell her she can't have a vagina
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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