I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
