maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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