the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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