Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
