I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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