He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
