watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
