i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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