Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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