I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
