I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
