I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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