I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
