I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Congratulations! We have a period
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
