it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
