My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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