Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
