Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is Oprah even human
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
