Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
