This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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