hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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