bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
